Written by a local fooser. He is originally from Colorado and may be speaking the truth!
"Last night some comments were made about prehistoric something or
anothers and I was inspired to do some research. The results are
quite fascinating. It turns out that what we know as foosball is
much older than we thought. Several years ago archeologists
discovered an underground cave complete with cave drawings and some
fairly detailed writings about a game very much like our foosball
played in the days of the dinosaurs. Unfortunately, this cave is now
lost forever, buried under a sports bar in the Richmond area in the
eastern U.S.
According to scientists, the game these cavemen played was
called... KECHUNG. Named after the sound the rough hewn stone ball
made when striking the opponents goal area. Along with some
descriptions of KECHUNG were records of the local KECHUNG players.
Among the several names was one of a very simple-minded
brute known as Do-No. According to records, Do-No was a skilled
player, but not the brightest firefly in the woods. When asked any
question, no matter how simple, his reply was always the same...Do
No. Later, after much tutoring, he was able to say the name of the
game, and when asked a question would reply...Do-No-KECHUNG! And
so this became his full name. Cave rumor had it that he had a
license plate made for his wheel that read "Mr. KECHUNG".
Another member of the local KECHUNG clan was a skilled
hunter named Bowen Arrow. Appears Bowen hung out with a friend
named Lottsa Burnt. Also known as L.B. It,s not sure whether L.B.
got this name because he didn't understand the physics of fire or
if it was a reference to his KECHUNG game.
Of note was another man who, rather than make arrowheads
out of the local stone as Bowen Arrow did, chipped out round discs
to use in trading. This skilled player from the East was called Flint
Coin.
Another clansmen apparently had a medical background and
his cure-all appeared to be ice. Hence the name Icely. It was
written that even during dry years he managed to produce enough
water playing games of KECHUNG to keep up with the ice demand.
Another section of the cave was set up almost shrine-like.
Writings spoke of a traveller from the west known as the
Neandercarl. Appears Neandercarl was an especially skilled KECHUNG
player. Cave drawings almost always depicted him atop a mound with
what appears to be a crown on his head.
Many others were mentioned including the local fuel
supplier named, ironically, Woody.
Scientists struggled to translate another name. Pairy
sumthin. It appears there's some confusion whether it's a 'P' or an
'F'.
Not much is known about how this group of knuckledraggers
related to one another, but undoubtedly there were many comments
relating to mastadon piles and brontosaurus droppings and the like.
But no doubt, they didn't take it too personally, otherwise we
might not be here today. After all, what could you say to another
cavedweller that wasn't true about yourself?
So let's take a moment and thank the good Lord above for
the KECHUNG players of the Pleistocene, and especially the
Neandercarl. Where would we be without them?"
- Carl Tanous
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