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Offline foozkillah

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  • Sure Ain't A Livin'
« on: December 22, 2008, 04:11:53 PM »

It was a quiet night at the country bar, some local regulars at the pool table, and one more at the foosball table, practicing by himself.

In comes a cityslicker type, obviously just arrived from back east, and headed straight for the foosball table.

He strutted right up in his black leather jacket and slicked-back hair, and said to the local, "Hey bud, want some real competition?"

The regular dusted off his plaid jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and drank his beer, while eyeing the man, and replied, "Why, hell yeah! Don't mind at all! Go ahead and jump right in, stranger!"

They started playing, and pretty soon it was obvious they were well matched.  As the shots flew and the beers and whiskeys went down, the play got rougher and rougher, and soon the regular called the cityslicker for jarring his pass loose.  The cityslicker said he'd done no such thing, of course, and insisted the ball was still his.

This went on for a minute or so, until the regular said, "Ok ... now hold up!  Now we can keep jawin' like this all night and ruin the game!  Round these here parts, honest folks got a way for fixin' these arguments!"

The cityslicker retorted, "Oh yeah? So what do these "honest folks" do?  What way's this?"

"Well now, what we do 'round here is, we take turns taking a kick at yer, uh, oysters.  Until either feller goes down!" said the regular, looking the cityslicker straight in the eye.

The cityslicker thought for a moment, sizing up the regular, and then answered, "Oh yeah? Bring it on then! Let's see what you got!"

Both men stepped off the table, and the regular slowly took ten steps back, ran forward and planted a big full-swingin', walnut-crackin', bootlace-snappin' kick with his steel-toed boot, right in the middle of the cityslicker's short ones.  It was so hard that the cityslicker, staggered, fought to keep his now floating teeth from falling out, and had to gag to keep all of the last week's lunches back down.  He remained standing, however, and after a minute or two of deep, long breaths, he smiled and croaked, "Uhhrgghh ... that was good'un!  Now it's my turn!"

The regular smiled back, "Now that's quite alright, stranger! I do believe you've made yer point, and I believe you... You keep the ball.  Let's foos!"